You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize