i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
