Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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