Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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