Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
