So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
