Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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