Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you win again, gameday.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
