god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
