so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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