if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
