I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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