she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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