dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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