it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
