so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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