I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
