we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
