you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
