Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
