I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
