The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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