If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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