my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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