My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
