I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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