There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
