She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
