Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
