This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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