it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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