omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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