why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
