I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
