yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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