All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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