Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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