What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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