Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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