Buhtt sex?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
