piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
