I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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