I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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