i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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