I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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