it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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