Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
