I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
