i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
