What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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