i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
