I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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