My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
