the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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