No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
