I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
