i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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