It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize