Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
