My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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