I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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